valygrl79

Well im almost done with my pregnancy yay! I am feeling bigger the before of course but I only really started showing where people can tell just recently. We have decided on a name for our little boy and I just cant wait to see him. Working is getting stressful mostly because of the customers. They are so needy where i work. They wont go find anything themselves or even try to and being the manager i have to help them on top of everything else i have to do. i know i shouldnt be complaining cuz im lucky to even have a job and finally be making more money but thats me so hey. Anyways, just wanted to update a little. Im getting a 4d ultrasound soon...hopefully our little guy will give us some good pics. Im having my baby shower this month. I started planning it till my sister and mother took over and took all my excitement out of it. I suppose someone is supposed to plan a shower for u when your pregnant but they should at least care about what your theme is. Anyways besides that things are mellow right now, just working and getting ready for him to come. I know i need to relax while i can and not stress too much. I miss not being able to do certain things like i used to but oh well im sure seeing him will be worth it. After he is born we are moving to Oklahoma and im just a little nervous about everything happening at once. If anyone has any advice on dealing with living in a new place, let me know. Ive lived in california almost my whole life and dont know how i will like living in a place where everybody knows everybody.

It may seem like this should be the happiest time of my life but its not. Chris and I have the most fucked up relationship ever. I cry all the time, i feel trapped and alone. I hate myself for thinking this but sometimes i feel like i am more trapped now because of the baby. I love the baby already and i cant wait to see him or her im just so fucking tired of this relationship. We constantly fight, he insults me and everything i am. He has been acting differently ever since we got pregnant. Saturday im graduating from college, something i have longed for for the past three years and suffered through at times...we have had like almost no money lately cuz every time we get paid it goes to bills...anyway...today is thursday and we had already planned to go find me a dress and go to a couple more stores for some stuff for my party....now i hate doing this last minute already but we had to. well, as ususual, something came up at the same time that i wanted to go take care of my stuff....this guy he knew back in Georgia was visiting with his family and wanted to see Chris and me both. I'd never met him, nor was i opposed to it but my graduation is a big deal to me and i wanted my special day to go as smoothly as possible. When Chris asked me if we could go on base to the beach and have steaks with this guy and hang out after we buy me a dress, i told him...if we have time,yeah. He took this as that i didnt want to go at all and started yelling at me about how he just knows that im gonna drag out the whole dress thing to spite him so that he doesnt get to see his friend. Well this hurt me because i feel like every time we make plans they get ruined...and he is selfish and just cares about his own life. Well i came home and we got into a huge fight,....he told me that i was already 'taking up" thursday with the dress thng (mind u i would be going after work, so i would only have 3 hours left to shop for anything)....friday my parents are coming to help set up my house and buy food for the party , saturday is my graduations and sunday he just tossed in there figuring that i would "take" that day too. Im already emotional and all i want is to feel loved by him..and he does this shot to me. I said fine..just give me some money and i will go alone and u go see your friend. He refused and said that his friend wanted to meet me. Anyway during this heated argument he took my phone away, wouldnt give it back and said its not mine, he pays for it. I said, thats great Im willing to carry your child for nine months and u dont want me to even have a phone. He always tells me that im fucked up in the head and why im so terrible and pretty much lists all my flaws and always brings my past mistakes up. I just feel like he has been acting immature, selfish and unloving. He hardly ever shows any affection towards me and that hurts. When we fight, he just wont leave me alone....he says that im always trying to quit this relationship when i say fine then dont be with me. Oh and one of the most hurtful things to me right now is that he STILL has not told his parents that we got married.
His parents kept asking when we would. He doesnt have a good reason. He tries to say that he wants to tell his mom when she has more time to talk but she calls him constantly. he has had ample opportunities to break the news to her. This marriage and the way it was done was not my fairy tale come true, believe me. Now it just feels the worst mistake of my life...and now that im pregnant i feel out of control of my body, i feel like he isnt attracted to me anymore and i just want to cry constantly. He doesnt understand nor does he want to...all he cares about is his pain. He tells everyone else how happy he is about this baby and he tells me too, its just his actions dont match his words, as always. I just feel empty inside and i dont know what to do. I dont know where to go or who to turn to. Everyone in my life always wants me to live my life how they want me to. No one is ever just happy for me. I am just so sick of living this life.. My relationship with Chris is broken. We have moments of happiness but that is all they are....and they always get washed away like everything else.

Okay so im 11 weeks pregnant now and almost into the second trimester. I hope i start feeling more normal soon. I just got married to Chris the quick way but we will have a real wedding after the baby is born. We just want to take advantage of the benefits of the military till he gets out. So I am now Mrs. Longley. t still doesnt feel like we are married but I guess we practically were already. I just know that our life will be changing alot soon and we will be a real family.

Wel I havent been on here for a very loong time. Alot has happened but most recently I lost my job about a month ago. I have since found a new one which isnt just a temp job, its salary plus benefits and pays pretty well i must say. Im starting next week and hopefully graduating school next month. But besides that the biggest news is that IM PREGNANT!!! I am two months along now and feeling very nauseaus but i know its all normal and trying to deal with it. Chris and I are getting married very soon but will probably have a proper wedding after the baby is born. Hes getting out next January and we'll prbably be moving to Oklahoma so everything is definetely changing in our lives but hopefully for the better :)

Hey it's me back from a very loong break from writing in my LJ. I guess i just don't like to recap my days sometimes, Im lazy like that :). Aaaany way .....this is my fourth week working at yet another new job. I work at The Plumbers Warehouse now in their showroom selling faucets, whirpools, anything and everything for kitchens and bathrooms, its very exciting stuff! jk...no, its pretty fun actually and interesting. Now every time i go into a public restroom, i check out what they have and get happy when i recognize something. Im actually doing well at this job and so far the people i work with have been nice. Besides that I have a cute Halloween costume ( sexy witch) and wore it this past saturday to a party with Chris. Were gonna try and go up to la tommorow and go to west hollywood for their block party, if not, we'll just stay here and go to PB. We were gonna have a party at our house but that fell through. Oh, I met this girl Jill in my building who parks right next to me and she's really sweet. Her husband is in Iraq right now and so she's alone but we've hung out a couple of times. It was funny cuz this past week she was off one night and i wasnt busy so i invited her over. Well we were sitting there watching Mean Girls and talking with Chris and i got this "great idea" to have some Jaeger because she has never had it before. So we had like two shots and then decided to got to the store to get some red bull . When we came back we had like two more and then for some odd reason i just kept taking shots. I dont know what the hell i was thinking...i had to go to work the next day. Chris invited his friend over who i wasnt that fond of yet i kept telling him that i did in fact like him and supposedly after that it all went downhill. Poor Jill, i guess i was acting all crazy and hanging on her, i cant even remember. All i remember was getting sick and waking up the next day feeling awful. I even had to go in a little late to work cuz i didnt think i could make it. So, the moral of this story is, never drink on a "school night" and dont drink jaeger on a half empty stomach for no good reason. I think that is probably why i could barely drink at the party this saturday night. But anyway, we are doing pretty well. I've adjusted to living here but in a year and a half if we are still together and he gets out of the military he wants to move back to Oklahoma, which will mean adjusting again for me. I mean, Im open to moving because if Im not in my ideal place right now then why not...but i worry about not liking it. I've always lived close to cities and wonder if i will be bored in a place like that. I just want to make sure that its what i want too. But he's a great guy and i love him. He recently got promoted to Corporal and I was so proud of him. Anyway, the Ball is coming up like in a week or two and I havent planned at all. I have to start. But I will write more later :)

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

✓ I miss somebody right now.	× I don't watch much TV these days.	× I own lots of books.
× I wear glasses or contact lenses.	× I love to play video games.	✓ I've tried marijuana.
✓ I've watched porn movies.	× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.	✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
✓ I curse sometimes.	× I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.	× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.

( it goes on... )</t

I haven't updated in a while so here goes. I recently got a temp job for four days at a mortgage company. It was a nice place, alot of cool people in the office and they were looking for a person to hire for the administrative assistant position. Just answering phones as a temp I made like $13hr. I can't wait to finish college so I could make more. Anyway, I applied for the job but ended up not getting it cuz while I was there for the four days, the manager was constantly interviewing people. I guess he wanted someone more like himself and if that was the case then Im glad I didnt get the job cuz he was getting on my nerves. Anyway, so I know some people here now I just havent had the time or money to hang out with them. So Im still depressed its just now I have more to do so I dont think about it as much. I have been working at Abercrombie and going to school and being with Chris and trying to find a job. I miss la sometimes but only because it was so familiar. Its not like two many people cared about me there besides my family. What has really got to me though is that every time an opportunity for work comes up through my temp agency and it seems like it might happen, it never does. Just the other day they called and offered me an interview with a place in Oceanside. They said the place already saw my resume and wanted to interview me. They asked me when I could and they said they would call back and let me know. Well they never called. So i called them. They said sorry but when they forwarded the resumes over, they picked another associate. I thought they had already picked me to interview. I just dont want to get my hopes up anymore and I wish that I would just find a job myself so that I can tell the agencies to kiss my ass because they suck! Besides being frustrated with the job thing, Im just frustrated with not having money, period. Sure, I have the necesities like food and shelter and his car to drive, which Im very thankful for and I know it could be alot worse, but I wanna have a life too. I wanna be able to actually reduce my debt and go out and do things but right now, I cant...and the sad part is, I dont know how long this will go on.

If any of you know the answer to this or can ask the other girls on the main usmc girlfriends page (since i am banned for some strange reason)...i would greatly appreciate it. Well here is my problem. I need to see a counselor or psychologist right away. I am having some major personal problems and Im afraid that if I continue to push my boyfriend away then our relationship WILL be over. I cant and dont want to lose the best thing in my life right now but I feel that no one can help me but someone that is a professional. So anyway i need to know if it's possible for me to get counseling for cheaper or suggestions of where since Im not married to my marine.I still dont have a job and therefore have no money but I need help. Someone please give me an answer. Thanks in advance.

Okay so today was a decent day. I had to go to work at Abercrombie in the morning which is fine cuz i need at least some kind of money and i like to talk to people at work since i have no friends here yet...but i did meet a nice couple in our gym over here. They are married and they just got here from Florida and the he is in the Marines too at camp pendleton. So now we know some neighbors and maybe will hang out sometime soon. Anyway i went to work and as soon as i got there i was told that i would either have to buy a shirt to change into or go home and change because they have a new rule that u cant show your stomache anymore. Sooo...i came back home and changed and it was fine cuz i got to see Chris again and give him a kiss. Then at work I saw these jeans..like a $70 pair on sale for $19.90 and so i tried them on and wanted to buy them. The trouble is ...i have no money and barely any credit left on my credit card. Chris is broke too but when i talked to him on my break..i mentioned the jeans and how i wanted them but i knew i couldnt have them. Well later on i was folding clothes when i turn and there he is, in my store. He put some money in my hand and said to buy the jeans. I thought that was so so sweet of him. I was really surprised actually. I guess he had to go get a payday advance since we are so broke and he wanted me to have the jeans. Well i got them and Im glad cuz they are really nice and last time i liked a pair that were on sale but didnt buy them..they went back to original price the next day and i was mad at myself. So anyway...this week he has night duty and i need to get homework done so i will update more later. Oh and Chris best friend and his wife are coming this weekend and will stay with us. I hope we all get along and have a good weekend. I really want to enjoy myself cuz i have been stressed lately and so has he.

I just woke up and its early...not because i want to but because he wakes up so early every day. At first i could barely keep my eyes open when he left but now as soon as i hear his alarm, im awake too. I felt kind of bad last night because I gave him a massage and he got so relaxed, I made him go to bed but then he fell asleep and didnt say goodnight and slept all far away from me. I know he was tired but sometimes i think that if i didnt make the first move all the time, he would hardly ever touch me. Anyways today Im planning on picking up my bookbag that i left at school for two weeks,...i wanna go out and see if i can find a job,...but keep looking online for one and submit my resume to a bunch of places...i still have laundry to do..tan....and i would like to work out in our gym a little. I just want to get alot of stuff done.. Yesterday i talked to my friend David who suggested that I call his ex who lives really close to me.. I never liked her that much but who knows..maybe she has changed. Shes married and has two kids now. David thinks that it might help me to talk to someone i know from the past and maybe she could show me around or recommend some work or something. So i guess I'll call her. I wanna get to the point where Im not that tired waking up this early and I could get up and do things so that i have a full day to do stuff. I cant wait to tell u all that I got a job..and one that I will like...I just dont wanna be stuck in another boring office where theres no one to talk to...but sometimes those make the most money. This weekend my parents and sister are coming over our place for mother's day. I'm supposed to make reservations somewhere. If anyone has any ideas for a good place to take your mom for mothers day thats in the san diego area, let me know.Well i think i might try and start doing something today or go back to bed.

Well Chris called me again today. It was really nice to hear from him...
I miss him so much still but i know hes gonna be here real soon. We had a short conversation. I tried to ask him what time hes coming home(like an idiot) and he told me not to ask that and he cant say anything. So i guess i have to wait till he gets into the US to know this information. Whatever..as long as he comes home on time...thats all i want. Anyway..once we got off the phone we talked online for a few minutes and he was being very sweet. I had to get off though and his last email to me said that he just wanted to tell me..before he deltes his account that he loves me and will be thinking of me every second of every day. So sweet. So i guess he definetely wont be emailing me..which is fine...
Tommorow may be my last day of work..not sure yet. I thought of maybe working mondday but we'll see what my manager says after my temp agency tells him that Im quitting. Im scared to not have money cuz im pretty high maintenance. As for my car..i got the brake problem fixed today which was great cuz it cost less then expected but now its on to the transmission problem..im supposed to take it to the retarded mechanic tommorow who cant get it fucking right. I hate that guy...supposedly he will adjust the pressure of something..uh huh..sounds a little too simplified if u ask me. But as long as my car makes it to oceanside and back to pick up his car..its gonna be alright. Also i have bad cramps today which sucks but hopefully my girl troubles will be ending by the time he gets home. I still have lots to do..probably will forget something but hey. This weekend im focusing on me and getting myself looking cute. Im thinking of getting a facial so my skin can clear up a little and maybe get my hair done and of course i HAVE to decide on an outfit. As for taking more stuff to the apartment..i was thinking of maybe going there the day before he comes home and taking it then and that way i wont have to stress about driving there the day of his arrival...Anyway..im a procrastinator so i have yet to pack. I really need to get it done. But im am really really excited about seeing him.

Chris called me this morning..4:30 am to be precise. I wasnt expecting him and was wondering who the hell was calling at that hour. Anyway...i wasnt in the best mood and just feel weird and anxious all around which is keeping me from being too happy. He told me he got a medal the other day for good conduct so thats cool. He has duty today but said he will write me tonight. I guess i just miss him still...anxious that hes coming home but sad that i will fail at having everything ready for him. I really dont know how to feel right now. I talked to his brothers wife online alot today and she was just telling me how Chris is and his family and stuff. She told me not to worry the other day and just to do what i can and not stress over the rest. I guess i just cant believe that Im going to see him again. I guess I didnt expect all these problems at the last minute. Im just scared i guess. He asked me if i was scared on the phone last night but i was like why..about what? But then he said he had to go so he couldnt say. I guess i just feel uneasy and sad and i dont know why. What to do..what to do. Well at least i bought a bigger memory card for my digital and a case so it doesnt get scratched. Tommorow i hope to get my car fixed if this fucking rain would just stop...and i still need to pack my stuff. I got my teeth cleaned today..what else....i need to get my nails done..tan...still pick out my ourtfit...i got a little black skirt yesterday though but who knows,...who knows how anything will go. I just feel emotionally drained from the past 7 months and feel like i need to know how he feels too. I just feel like crying again cuz im stressed. When will it ever end. What if he doesnt love me the same anymore...i know he says he loves me more but i feel so alone right now. I dont know how to deal with this. I hate the unknown...

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Here's all the countries i have visited so far.

I saw this test on someone's journal. I was bored.


table width=350 align=center border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2><tr><td bgcolor="#F0FFF0" align="center">You Are 23 Years Old</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#F8FFF8">
Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.</td></tr></table>

Chris wrote this for my birthday. I thought it was the sweetest thing ever....he's never written me a poem before and i was really touched.




The day I met you I knew love at first sight

I was hoping and praying to God "please let this be right"

I have traveled far and long with not much to show but broken promises and tears and tattered letters from home

You have shown me comfort, content with a loving devotion that will make me never need a reason to roam

Baby, you are so good to me and help me with my fears

I know that we will always have love for each other for many many years

To me you are a lover, a brother, a sister and a son

Before in life it felt useless to compete for acceptance but with you I've already won

You have given me inner beauty, serenity and peace

To you I will give my life forever, faithfully and with ease

To me you are so many things that I love

You have a face of an angel, heart of a child and are as elegant as a dove

So I hope that you grasp the love that I have for you

Happy Birthday Baby, keep your head high and remember "I'm coming home real soon"

Chris is such a little boy sometimes!! He's so sweet to me...

Baby I'm sorry that you're sick...I told you that I was watching the
disneyland adventures and I started laughing when you said "Mr.
Toad's advennnntuuuurrrreeess"...hehehe...Then I got sad cuz I started missing you sooo much and my eyes started watering...I told you that I love you and that I'm going to come home soon...God baby, I just want you NOW!!! This sucks but I think that we will definitely appreciate everything sooo much more now...I love you darling...I'll be here for you to talk but I'll try to call you soon but there's still a lot of people here and there's still a line...I love you baby, Bear Longley

Awww..thats so cute. Well we will have
alot of fun when you come home!!! We can go to California adventure and go party with Mickey..:) Im gonna catch that giant mouse..i will!!!! Yes baby..im excited about february too. I love you

I know baby...I seen on the video when I was screaming "Mickey!!" and you said that I'm going to scare him...hehehe...I had sooo much fun with you there baby...You have a really nice butt that is just waiting for me to bite into it...hehehe..I want to go there too baby...I think that we should get season passes you know..I mean even if we go just twice it would pay for itself...It's just there is so much to do and then we wouldn't have to rush to do everything in one day...We could even maybe get a hotel and then go on a Saturday and Sunday or something...I don't know..I'm crazy!! hehehe...I guess we'll have to get a HUGE mouse trap for him..Or just get a giant block of cheese for him...heheh...I love you baby, Chris

Baaaayybeeee!!!! what if Mickeys a girl and Minnies a guy in there??? I just had some toast with cheese. I think we should use cheese to catch him....Baby i cant wait to touch you again. Thats good that u like my butt cuz i like yours too. I LOVE yours!!!!!! Its so squeezable. I'm gonna spank you!!!! Well I just ate so i should probably take a shower and start
>getting ready for the mall. I miss you so bad baby. I love you honey

Huh?? Mickey is a boy baby..Minnie is a girl...Why would they be opposite?? I think that you may have a fever or something...hehehe..Baby, I'm sooo hungry too...How long are you going to be at the mall?? You can stay as long as you want but I just wanted to see if I could talk to you again before I go home..Thank you baby, you're making me blush..hehe..I really do
like yours though...I like licking it too!!! hehehe...I wanna touch you too baby...I miss touching your soft skin and you always smell soooo good...God, I'm getting sad just thinking about it..I love you baby, Chris


Aright thats it before it gets too x-rated!!!!

He hasn't written me hardly at all lately. He's probably having fun. I understand but instead of letting me hope that he will write I wish he would have just said..I probably won't be writing you at all or hardly so just know Im just relaxing or out or whatever. I don't like this feeling of relying on someone else for my happiness. This is why I didn't want a boyfriend. Nothings changed...all the problems that we had before he left will still be there when he comes back. I just hate thinking about the fact that he is so scarred from our problems and because he and I both know that our relationship has been screwd up ...he has every reason to do something behind my back. I just want to go away. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't like myself right now and I don't like my life. I feel like the only way for me to cope with all the pain in my life is to just go away and not talk to him anymore. I feel kind of used. Like he only wants to talk to me when he has no one else to talk to. I have helped him a lot and am still trying to be a good girlfriend. I have put my life on hold for him for the last 4 months with no guarantee that we will work out. Sometimes when I'm waiting at a stoplight I think about stepping on the gas really hard and letting someone hit me going through the intersection. I'm not going to go into details here in case anyone reads this but I feel like a failure in life because i wasted so much time. Now it's almost too late for me and I'm destined to be nothing.

Well I talked to Chris last night. He called me. In my last email i told him to please call me. I just wanted to hear his voice and just get a feeling for how his night went.Well he called and started explaining the whole night to me in detail and I told him he didnt need to go that in depth into it. Anyway...we talked about alot of stuff. But I seriously think that I need professional help. He tells me this sometimes too. Like my moods are so extreme. One minute I'll be happy..then like minutes later I could be totally depressed. I just have to have a bad thought and it will put me in a bad mood..plus my imagination goes crazy sometimes like when he goes out. I'm really glad he got to get away for a little bit and I want to trust him and I even make up my mind to..but then something will trigger a thought and suddenly I'll be all worried and if he doesnt get back to me soon..I start fearing the worst. I just want to be normal and i dont want him to have to wonder what my mood will be like. I love him so much and dont want to ruin his trip. Anyway hes always saying that he thinks i have manic depression cuz his mom has that and she takes medication. i dont want to have to do that but i definetely need at least counseling or something. Anyway, I feel like hell today. Im tired and I have MAJOR cramps. this sucks.
It was funny cuz last night we were both like really horny and he was like..is it April yet? I cant wait for him to come home. He always asks me if I will wait for him...I'm like of course..I didn't make it to this point to just to throw it all away. All I want is him and if we want to make it to getting married and starting a real life together...we both have to take our relationship seriously.

This is the email Chris sent me after being out all night. I was kind of annoyed that he once again spilled his guts about us and whatever I've doen to some stranger when he's drunk. Also he was gonna write me earlier and he never did. I got a really bad feeling that something happened that he didnt tell me about. He's always super nice to me when he's done something wrong...and the fact that I kissed that guy AND told him about it...would give him a reason to do the same.Well here it is:


Oh really??? hehhehe...Baby I"m back now...I have been
talking about you ALL night!!! I was hanging out with
this guy that I totally don't know but he's cool
though...I've been telling him everything because I've
really needed to get stuff off of my chest...That's
funny though because when stuff builds up soooo much
you'll tell anyone just to get it out of
you..hehehe...I got drunk but this guy gave us tickets
for 2 more beers a piece so I got really drunk but I
threw up as usual..hehe..It's just because I havent
eaten anything all day because I've been waiting to
talk to you baby..How's my princess baby?? I miss you
sooo very much darling....I can't wait to go home...I
actually heard this is how we do it by 50 cent and
went outside and started crying because I remembered
that you liked that song and couldn't help but miss
you even more....I"m here darling...Love you!!!